I didn't know if I should write this or not. I'm too crushed. Too weak to even smile. But yeah, I fake everything. Especially right now. I don't know what to think any more. I don't know if it's reasonable or not. I'm hurt.
Baby, what happened to us? We used to rock the world together. We used to smile just staring at each other. We used to drive everywhere we want to go. We used to eat together, watching movie together. We used to text those unimportant chat until we eventually fell asleep. We used to text just those emojis and it was enough to make me laugh the whole day. Where are we now?
I cried. A lot. Thinking about us. It was my fault. I keep thinking about you everyday and I still think it is my fault. I should understand you more. I must. But I was greed. I want you for myself. I want you to be present in my small bubble. I love you and you know that.
You know what baby, I am thinking too far. About us. I'm thinking about our future children. You know what my dream is, right? I want to name our children with Yasmin Sofea and the newest is, if it's a boy, I want to name him Tuah Aminuddin and I'll called him as Idin. It's beautiful baby. My dream is beautiful. And I want you to be in it. Be a part of it. I need you, b.
I can't write this without crying. I'm too sad. I'm exhausted. I can't be your perfect lady. I try so hard but I know I can't. I'm wrecked. I don't know if my suggestion is good for us. We never stop texting even for a day. Even it's just a simple good morning and good night. I myself don't know if I can do that. But I'll try my best. I want you to think about us. Is it still worth, is I'm still worth to be in your small world.
Dear, you're my Mars, my world, my everything. I love you too much. I was relieved when you said you can't leave me. Because I thought last evening was the last moment for us. But I still want you to evaluate my presence with you. I want you to think about me, about us and when you come back, you'll have no doubt upon our relationship.
To be with you is the most amazing thing happened to me. I thanked Allah so much for let you choose me, love me and care for me. If this is the end for us, I really want you to know that I have no regret at all. Along these days, over 150 beautiful days, not even a day I'm not in love with you. Not even a day I'm not waiting for you. And I still be waiting for you. As long as Allah let me have this precious feeling for you. I will, sayang. Even for a thousand years more. You're the most beautiful dazzling thing that I ever owned. Even for a while. I love you so much, Adlan. I really want to see you, even just one more time. And even if one day you find your happiness, I'll be smile in blessed over here because you finally got your perfect angel, fit for you. I'm happy because I used to be in that part of your happiness. I'm happy.
Sayang, please take care of yourself. Don't forget to eat. You always like to skip your lunch. I don't want you to get sick. And if you're really sick, please eat your medicine. I'll be watching you from here. I'll still wait for your text. There's no harm in hope, right? I know I can't get over you. But if you decided it, I will do it. Sooner or later. I'll be okay. I will. As long as I can see that beautiful smile on your face.
Bibi, for what it's worth, it's still never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
I love you, sayang. Always and forever.
Always yours,
Your Bitbit.
